Monday, October 3, 2011
The Number's Game
Last week I received this anonymous message in the Ask The Dubb Chat:
Ok where do I start. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year. I met him through a mutual friend at a Halloween party. Things got off to a slow start, since it was a long distance kinda thing at first. Not to mention, he was finalizing things with his roommate/ex girlfriend. It really didn’t bother me that he and his ex still lived together, because I was still somewhat involved with someone back home. After he moved to my city, I started to fall for him because he would treat me so good, and he knew how to put it down.
He never discussed his past partners other than the one he was staying with, and I never asked. But call it females intuition, i had a feeling he had been with alot of girls. About a few months ago, he started hanging out late, til like 4 and 5 A.M. I didn’t really start to questioning it til I found this piece of paper with a bunch of girls on it.
The list had cities and states on it too! I saw my name, his ex,and few other names I heard him talk about under NC. WTF??!! This was obviously a listing of the bitches he has fucked! There was at least 75 names on this piece of paper. What caught my eye was there were two names under “Miami” where he went for his birthday.
Now I feel like every time he goes out, he’s cheating. Not to mention he keeps his phone on silent all the time, gets calls in the middle of the night, and ends his conversations when I walk in the room. Now It's getting to me because he has had 4 times as many partners I've had. Am I women blind by good sex or am I just looking for something?
Now along with her question, when I was reading this it opposed a few more questions. It seems like it's a double standard with numbers? From this girls story it seems as if women are attracted to guys with more numbers? If the guy had only been with 1 or 2 people would this have been a different story!?!?
Also Fellas, whats the maximum number from a female could you handle!?!?
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The past is the past babygirl! Worry bout yall future! That piece of paper might just be a back up contact list just in case his phone F up! "An idle mind is the devil's playground"...dont fall victim to the hype!
ReplyDeleteTo answer that other question, I do believe there is a double standard! A guy is expected to have a larger number than a female, thats just the way it is. As far as my personal preference...imma need a young lady to have low mileage! If yo miles high...I hope they highway miles and not the stop and go city traffic! LOL
ReplyDeleteI agree the past is the past !Let it go especially if you are happy now !!! However to touch on the "number" subject there is definitely a double standard. I must admit as a women I would doubt a man's abilities if he said he only had one or two partners. However it wouldnt prevent me from considering a long term relationship or a sexual relationship. On the flip side if a female said she had a large amount of sexual partners it could prevent the guy from taking her serious etc. I think the best practice is "DONT ASK DONT TELL "!!!!
ReplyDeletepast is da past...
ReplyDeleteI totally agree middleoffashion...thats a subject that is better left in the dark. Even if it is brought up I can alomost guarantee that neither party will be honest about it and are also going to feel some type of way once they hear it.
ReplyDeleteyeah hell dont ask question if u cant handle the answers...
ReplyDeleteExactly blknwb!!! No pt in asking ...if a guy asked me I would NOT answer ...or I would lie im just being real lol!!!!there is no benefit in discussing it...
ReplyDeleteI'd have to agree....that's an area I'd rather leave a mystery. No matter what the number is, if I'm told I'll feel some kinda way. Because the double standard does exists, it creates an avenue that enables us to pass judgement on a person due to there sexual experiences. In all fairness, I would rather not know.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a max number...that's tough to pinpoint. I guess human nature might lead to targeting a number close to your own "body count". But again personally, I don't want to know!!! As stated before, the past....is just that!!
I hate double standards. I do feel like men get away w/ the numbersfactor however, I do believe a man can hold weight of being a 'whoe' per se. Id like for him to have a decent amount of experience, but NOT 75!! I agree the past is the past but it can sometimes creep back up to you. But dont ask if u dont want to knw!!
ReplyDelete@ Tanda...What is considered a decent amount of experience? And you say not 75? How bout 74? LOL
ReplyDeleteYou can gain experience dealing w/ a few ppl if you are having sex with them on a consistent basis. Think about it?! U tend to be taught when u have sex w/ one person all the time b/c u feel comfortable & get confident to try new things which in turn brings EXPERIENCE!
ReplyDelete74 wont do! Shyt, I wldnt even like 50...I think the same accountability thats held for women and their number is also held for men in my book.
O ok...I feel what you saying! Being comfortable and confident with one partner is a good way to gain experience. On the number issue tho, it depends on when you are pursuing this relationship. If you over 35 and have been single for the majority of your life it is highly likely that your number is close or above 50. Thats just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all i hate to be that guy but those 75 names are probably only the chicks he can remember. Guys numbers tend to be higher than that in the circles i converse with. Second, the double standard is a society driven issue which is starting to be challenged everyday by women around the world. As more women become liberal they are becoming more open about their sexuality. Is it wrong? Not for me to decide. I think that should be a conversation between you and your partner as things get more serious. I think if you have a past you should voice it and if your partner cant handle it then fuck em. Cause lets be honest it will eventually come out anyway. (Ex: You are on a date with a permiscuous woman and you swear 4-6 niggas done waved with that, yea that was some good pussy look. haha.) Most dudes wont just ignore those signs and realize that she just a bump and he go chuck dueces the same way. Letting it be known upfront saves a lot of time and gets everybody on the same page. Because i dont have a maximum number but i do have a minimum tolerance of bullshit. Once that is reached your out the same way.
ReplyDeleteLets start by asking if this young lady really found the paper or went snooping! If she went snooping she is feeling crazy about it initially cuz she found something that hurt her feelings (not because he has a high number)!! On another note, she should understand that she cant change a persons past and when you date them exclusively you have agreed to accept their past (informally). At the end of the day she cant change it so she should either address it or leave it alone, but keeping in mind that no matter how much she addresses it the number wont change (thats if its really how many people he's had sex with)
ReplyDeleteIn reference to numbers: there is and always will be a double standard! A woman is held to a higher standard in reference to how many people she shares her body with! But on a serious note, how many people really admit their real number? Most people give a ballpark figure that they think makes them look good! In reference to a guy having a low number, that is not always a bad thing. If his number is low there is a possibility that those few girls have schooled him. But in the case they didnt, u then have the opportunity to teach him to do exactly what you want and what pleases you! This is a golden opportunity considering that most guys try to do u like they did their ex and thats not always what u like!
Finally, if women find themselves in a relationship where they are happy, they love this person, and they are working on long-term but she finds out he has an extreme number (like 75) they should go and get tested together, hear their results, and move on with their HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!
I know PLENTY of women who will ignore their intuition for the way pipe is laid. Reading this brings a few questions to mind: 1. why go through his things? when you look for shit you find shit. 2. who cares how many women he has been with? Just hope all those names were before you. 3. Have you scheduled an OBGYN appt? If he cheating like you think he is you may have been exposed to some shit. 4. Do you love yourself? When a woman stays with a man she knows is cheating but continues to be with him its a blatent sign of lack of self-esteem. Otherwise you would have moved on. There are many men skilled at plumbing.
ReplyDeleteAs for the question posed regarding the double standard, in my opinion, male or female if you are not selective in your choice of sex partners and are more into the physical part then the mental/emotional, you still a hoe. F*cking just to be f*ucking is so wack. Not only are you sharing the wealth with randoms but you create soul ties with people who were never meant to be in your life. Just think of how many children are concieved from casusal sex instead of a loving relationship? Then they have to grow being the bastard child no one ever wanted but had to deal with. Who really wants to be part of a generational curse? Oh wait, I know i lost some of yall on that one. Read between the lines. If you really loved yourself why let everyone know what the goodies are like?
The past is the past. You shouldn't care. Go get tested and make him get tested as well and then let sleeping dogs sleep. If he is cheating on you. Do what Ms. HNIC said and love yourself and catch the next one.Love yourself and catch the next fish. If you a real baller you should have much bait.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Coco and HNIC get yo ass tested because his list might say 75 names but you got to look at how many other people them 75 girls slept with too........
ReplyDeletenot more than 3 for females
ReplyDelete